She looked at me with her face lacking any expression and said, “I’m pregnant”. Wait. What? How was she pregnant? She had told me numerous times that she couldn’t get pregnant. She said she went to two different doctors and that they told her there was some sort of abnormality with her reproductive system. As a matter of fact, I had used protection every time we were together since the first time, and the only reason I stopped wearing a condom was because she told me she couldn’t get pregnant, and said that she didn’t like the way the condoms felt. She went as far as encouraging me to finish inside and assured me that there was nothing to worry about. So, I trusted her and stopped using protection. In retrospect I can see what an idiot I was. But I can also put myself in the place that i was back then. Why shouldn’t I have trusted her? I mean, we had shared our most intimate secrets with each other. We had many sleepless nights discussing everything about ourselves, our dreams, our fears, our hopes, everything. In the short time that we had known each other we developed a connection that I had never experienced with anyone before. I had no reason not to trust her, and I was secure in knowing that we had each other’s best interest in mind. At least that’s what I thought.
“How is that possible?” I asked.
“Doctors aren’t always right.” she said.
That’s it. That was her explanation. Nothing more, nothing less. I had no idea what to say or even how to react. I just stood there, frozen, probably with my mouth wide open. I was in shock.
About a month prior to this, we had put the relationship on hold, and though we both worked at the same department store, we worked in different departments and would see each other only occasionally. We hadn’t spent time together or had a conversation for weeks before that day when she decided to tell me about this “miraculous conception”. There may be misconceptions about how things unfolded bank then. Some people may have been told a version of the events in which it is suggested that I abandoned my daughter by ending the relationship with the mother because she became pregnant. This is simply not the case. To clarify, we broke up for other reasons which I won’t get into at this time, and it was only after we broke up that i found out she was pregnant.
“What are we going to do?” I asked.
“What do you mean what are we going to do? I’m going to keep it. Abortion is against my religion,” she said.
What the fuck? Against her religion? She hadn’t been involved with the Jehovah Witness religion for at least as long as I knew her. Now, overnight she conveniently becomes devoutly religious? What about the regular premarital sex? What about the daily consumption of alcohol? What about the smoking cigarettes, and all of the other questionable behavior? Besides, I wasn’t asking her to get an abortion. I was asking her to explore our options. But it was too late in the decision making process for my input, because she had already decided without me what was going to happen. She had already come up with a plan. A plan of how she would have a baby, regardless of anything else. I wonder when she thought of this plan? I wonder if she had this plan in mind even before she met me.